What do you’re A’s look like in your relationship?

What do you’re A’s look like in your relationship?

Have you ever wondered, why the relationship that you are in, is not going the way it should go? Oohhh, everything he / she does gets on my nerves.

Are you one to Adapt or one to Adjust?

Adapt means to: change your behavior so that it is easier to live in a particular place or situation.

Adjust means to: alter or move (something) slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance, or result

When I adapt (still not happy) in a situation. I make changes to how I will react to what my mate does. Deep down I am still unhappy emotionally and I will just make sure I smile when I am sad, so that we can stay in this relationship.

When I Adjust (make us both happy) in a situation. I am not focused on just me. I am focused on my mate as well. I see their flaws and learn to love them in that flaw by making an adjustment for us to reach a desired goal together.

After I read both definitions. I came to the conclusion that in order for a relationship to move forward in a healthy status. An individual needs to be able to adjust who they are in the situation or relationship to fit their mate and vice versa. I am not talking about those relationships where a person is constantly getting abused. I am talking about those relationships where an individual is not happy with something their mate is doing (flaw).

Understand every relationship is different and you have to realize that you cannot change anyone. They are who they are. You also have to understand that in most relationships people are unhappy due to not being able to accept the flaws of their mate. You have to be willing to love your mate in their flaws for your relationship to work.

Stop pointing fingers and take time to sit down and talk. One key thing to remember is that you have to “stop listening to respond but listen to understand the concerns of your mate” (Lance Soders 2017)

Once this is accomplished you both will be able to adjust your flaws out of love and not anger. The end goal is to love each other through flaws and all.


Be Blessed


Lance Soders